The Gift of Stillness (and the One Who Brought Me There)

Me and my friend sat outside on the balcony, admiring the skyline of the city aft er along day of being outside. Maybe it’s because I see the same view every day, but to me, it wasn’t particularly fascinating.I think familiarity has a way of making beautiful things feel ordinary.

But then he turned to me and said something I’ve been thinking about every since:

"You’ve got to appreciate this. You might never get it back.”

He laughed at me right after he said that, because I looked so shook. I realized, that one day, this might be a moment I reach for: the sound of our laughter while looking at the view, the silly talks, the cool breeze, the quietness, the sunset views from this balcony, the comfort of good company, the view I thought was just normal.

I guess I’ve spent a long time caught up in the chase. For the last couple of months I’ve always just been moving, always thinking about what’s next. Stressing about what’s missing instead of noticing what’s here. I’ve forgotten how to just stand still and look. The things I have right now, are some things I may have wished for at some point.

I spent a lot of time this weekend just being outside, something I haven’t done in a while. Most weekends, I sleep in late and barely step out. I guess that’s what being depressed does to you.

I’ve always loved long drives, but being in cities I’ve never been to before excites me even more. It makes me feel like there’s more out there. We ended up at a park, in a spot my friend called a hidden gem.

We sat on the rocks, the reflection of the moon flickering on the water- it was so beautiful I could not stop admiring it. I kept trying to get the perfect picture but the camera could never capture how beautiful it was in real life. I could hear the waves brushing against the shoreline. It was so quiet, so peaceful, it almost didn’t feel real.

For first time in weeks, maybe months, I wasn’t thinking about everything that was wrong. I had forgotten how beautiful it is to sometimes do nothing and enjoy the nature.

The next day, we ended up at another park. That wasn't the plan- we were just exploring random places but guess we found another location to pin on our maps. You could hear kids laughing in the distance, running around without a care in the world. I looked to my side, where I saw these kids put on music and dance to it. While I thought about how nice it would to be a kid again, I thought more about how one day I could come with my kids and take them to enjoy the view. I realized I was indeed, getting older.

I was sipping my McDonald’s Coffee while for the first time in a while, I was just sitting there and feeling the soft breeze. Birds flew above us in open circles, moving together like they had all the time in the world. We watched them fly together across the water, like they had all come together.

At one point, my friend looked up and joked about how nice it would to be a bird. I laughed but I knew what he meant. I think about it a lot of times. How nice would it be to fly freely, to not be tied to anything, to just move through the world without pressure or plans. I don’t know what it was, but something about being out there stayed with me. I didn’t really have a lot to think about. My mind, which is always racing with thoughts just didn’t feel the need to think about anything for some time. And man, that just felt so great. I forgot the last time my mind has just been silent for some time.

I think I’ve started to understand how important it is to actually look around and take things in without always thinking about what’s next. To live a little slower.

The truth is, I wouldn’t have gone to any of these places if it weren’t for him.

He got me out of the house that day.

We're always down for these random little “motives,” but this time felt different. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until we were already there, until I was outside, breathing fresh air, noticing the way the birds moved, the way the sky looked before sunset.

It’s funny how good company can change your entire perspective, without even trying. When someone in your life shows up, and suggest you go outside, listen to them. And you do need to get of your house.

We put the music on, drove and pointed out the little things. Made it feel all light gain, and that to me made the biggest difference. I didn’t feel the need to be anything more than I wasn't.

I think some people come into your life just to remind how to slow down. How to enjoy things, how to exist without carrying the weight of everything all the time. The thing is they do it so gently, so casually, that you don’t even realize how much you needed them until you feel something loosen inside you.

The sad truth is, I don’t know if he’ll always be around. I know maybe life will probably pull in is different directions, knowing he is moving away soon. I sit on my balcony alone, and I look to the empty chair next to me. I guess I’d always remember these drives, the deep conversations, the way everything felt easier for at least a little while.

When someone makes the world feel lighter, you don’t forget them, even when they leave.

I woke up today morning, dreading how close Monday is and how I’ve got to go back to work, again. I can’t stop thinking abut the last two days, the way nature reminded me that simply being is enough.

I’m just as grateful for him, for the one who got me out of the house.

Who made me laugh when I didn’t even realize I need to.

Who made ordinary moments feel so much softer, slower and a little ore meaningful.

I was so ready to shut the world out, push everyone away and thought I didn’t need anyone but somewhere in between the silence and the company, something in me healed a little.